Love and Marriage, contract-bound.

28th February 2012 marked our 3rd year wedding anniversary! *hoothoot*
And guess what, my father called us in China to congratulate Vincent. ARGH…i wonder why… :p

Anyway, it’s been a really superb 3 years, and Vincent and I were really happy to just spend the evening in our favourite restau in Tianjin. A really simple and delicious dinner, seamless service with the only person you want to be with.  Sometimes when your day-to-day life is pretty much one foggy hulabaloo, the only thing you want is that constant. That reassuring feeling that the person you trust most, is right there with you.

It got me thinking though… about marriage, in general. A marriage is supposed to be a sign of commitment to another person that you want to be together, to represent each other, for life. Yet, all this fanfare basically, and unfortunately, revolves around a signed contract. A wedding is a romanticized form of a legal agreement, and sometimes it’s so easy to forget that you’re signing into something that’s pretty much like mixing business with pleasure.Therefore, if one doesn’t really feel that the both sides are really in it for the long run, it can end up pretty ugly.

However, in this day and age where interracial marriages are aplenty, and jobs cross borders – marriage is an important consideration for couples to keep their relationships afloat. That signed contract therefore holds even more value for those who need it to make it work.

That said, when i look around at our parents, our friends and other couples – there are all sorts of combinations, and all sorts of reasons why people stay together. For sure, love between a couple with children is an evolved, extended state of love. It becomes more accountable, more demanding, and sometimes in small invisible doses. Love in older age is also different. It often involves more companionship, greater reliance from a history of shared experiences and a level of understanding that no longer requires words.

I like to think that marriage is the sort of thing that evolves love itself over time, but both parties really need to hold on tight to keep the ship afloat (ie. make it work), but loosen the reins so both sides can breathe and be themselves. I am unfortunately one of those annoying ones who likes my control of small things everyday. And I often catch myself unaware of being paranoid.

A few years ago, Vincent and i were planning to go biking on Sunday morning. As usual, my good Swiss was already preparing the water bottles the evening before, helmet at the door, and pumping air into the bikes. I got somehow annoyed with his promptness and eagerness to do everyone the night before, and snapped at him. He kept quiet, and kept at his pump.

Later that night, Vincent came to me and said, ‘You know, sometimes a man just wants to do what he likes. It’s just a way for him to relax. Next time, please just let me pump my bike when i want to.’

Vincent didn’t have to say anything more. Since then, each time I get annoying (‘all pommy’, like a Pomeranian), that line comes right back, and yes dear, I will let you pump your bike…