Answering nature’s call

I feel the urge to dedicate one of the first posts of this blog to a topic that can’t escape anyone who comes to China – its toilets.

China is famed for many things it invented in the past 2,000 years. Among these – the toilet paper, back in its Rennaissance period of the Tang dynasty. Yet, believe it or not, it is 2019 and toilet paper is the one thing you 1) can never find when you’re busy in the cubicle; 2) still can not flush down the toilet.

Yes, unfortunately with China, one of my greatest peeves is its toilets. Going to the loo is always an experience I dread. Funnily enough, back in 2006 when I backpacked Tibet, I recall reading the first line from the Lonely Planet about the region: ‘China’s toilets might be dismal, but Tibetan toilets make them look like little bowers of heaven.’ And that could not be further from the truth.

After surviving 6 weeks of Tibetan loos, coming back to a toilet in Sichuan (the region bordering Tibet) really felt like the cleanest, most exciting experience I ever had. It wasn’t even about the flush. It was the fact that we no longer had to bear the sight of maggots swimming out of shitholes (literally, by the way) because the pile of crap was so high that it came up above the holes. There was shit lying everywhere, especially at the Base Camp of Mt Everest, where it is so cold and dry that the local folk collect whatever manure lying around to burn as fuel. At least your shit serves a greater purpose.

Back to China.

So this is really important if you plan to visit China anytime soon. Three things will hit you hard. The first, specifically through your olfactory function, the odour. Unfortunately in most public toilets in China you will most likely smell them before you can see them. It is quintessentially a China issue where most piping systems still do not have the S-shape bend pipe, which retains a small amount of water in the pipe, preventing backflow of sewer gases.

Second: Once you’ve switched to breathing through your mouth, the other reality hits you even harder — “Where is the toilet paper?” This moment very quickly separates the “China hardcores” from the “Visiting virgins”. China hardcores would at this very moment, whip out either a packet of tissue, or a full-on toilet roll from their backbacks and get down to business. The Visiting virgins, unfortunately would have to figure out what options are left.

The third reality is equally unpleasant (yes, there’s more). Toilet paper, by default, cannot be flushed in most public loos in China. So chances are, you are left with a rather unsightly mess in the bin, conveniently and thoughtfully placed next to you. For females, I can almost guarantee the mess is ten times worse than in the male toilets. It is literally — sorry — a bloody mess. I honestly am still wondering how a country that is able to build insane skyscrapers in record time, would have so much inertia against allowing toilet paper in sewage. Mysteries of our time…

Today, China’s toilets have made great leaps forward…

… thanks to the Chinese government’s commitment to put a good front to the rest of the world following the Olympics and other large scale international events. Public loos across the country have since had massive makeovers, and you can almost certainly witness these when you enter big new flashy super malls. The only problem is, you also very quickly realise the hardware is in place, but the software, not so much of. Time and again, I have seen spanking new toilets installed in up-and-coming cities where all the cubicle doors have been yanked off, because the ladies from the countrysides prefer to do their business while looking at one another. You can hear the banter while waiting for your turn, all of them engaged in some sort of morning coffee catch up. If you are lucky to find a sitting toilet bowl, you will realise the lid is broken, and instead shoe marks all over the bowls. Yes, if you are still in any doubt, squatting is the way to go in China.

Bless his innocence!

Having two kids now makes me even more paranoid about our toilet experiences, because I have to deal with fussing kids, dirty surfaces and winter clothes. One thing I realise very though, is how quickly children adapt to a new normal. We were in a public toilet recently with my 4yo. Before we entered, I said a small prayer under my breath, and prepared the necessary toilet paper. I was worried that my son would fuss about the smells and filth, which was apparent. Yet, he did his business, then asked me in his typical curious fashion, “Mama, did somebody forget to clean this toilet?” Bless his little innocent little soul!

At this stage, I expect that I have already put most readers off ever coming to China. But please hear me out on a couple of things before getting completely turned off:

1) China is changing – If you are in a big city like Shanghai or Beijing, and if you visit a hotel bathroom or a new shopping mall, chances are you will be able to find toilet paper where you’d expect to, and you can flush it down the bowl without clogging it.

2) Squatting has actually been known to be incredibly good for our bodies. In fact, it is the most natural and comfortable position for babies and toddlers, but we quickly lose the ability to do it when we transition to using the toilet bowl. Squatting has also been documented to with your core muscle and flexibility (think yoga), and interestingly, it is a natural position for pooping, and giving birth! This is a particularly good read about the art of squatting. You can read it while you’re on the throne. 🙂

3) Toilet paper is available, outside the cubicles. So yes, you do need to have the discipline to prepare your own toilet paper beforehand, or remember to grab some from a large dispenser before entering the loos. I wish I could find more positives about this but I really really can’t! *weep*

So there, unfortunately with China, the only way for toilets is S-shape. Let’s hope that amidst all that commerce coming from China at the moment, the natural act of doing one’s business becomes a priority for its people. Till then, hold your breath!

Did you know? The normal English translation in China to the word 卫生间 is not “Toilet”, or “Restroom”. It is the abbreviation to the Water Closet – W.C. This could come in helpful if you need a Chinese person to direct you when you need the loo!